This article was written originally for the MetroSyracuse.com website when I was its cheif reporter. I don't have a ton of dating experience but what I have is a never-ending joke lol. Hope you enjoy it.

Where for Art Thou? 

    Let's face it. Meeting people in Syracuse can be difficult! Whether you're looking for that special someone or for something less serious, whether you're new in town or have lived here all your life, whether you're young or not so young, it can prove a daunting, and often frustrating, task. Everyone has heard the usual advice and, being a single woman in my thirties, I've heard it, too. Let's venture down a few of these ‘wise' old alleys and see where they lead.

    "Join a church." - That's good advice - if you're religious, that is. It also helps if you'll actually bother attending the church you've joined.     

    Okay, so you're now a member of the congregation. You start going to prayer group, helping out at luncheons, etc. Can you seriously hide the fact that you stumbled out of Awful Al's in the wee hours and are so hung-over that you can only hope you don't look as lethargic as you feel? How long can you hide your normal, not-so-righteous life from that God-fearing cutie who just smiled at you from the next pew over? Let's get real. Joining a church should be a personal decision, based on your level of faith, and should be a commitment, not a means to hook up. If this is your only reason for attending, you are breaking the first rule of dating. Be yourself! Do everyone a favor and go back to sleeping in on Sunday.

    "Try the bar scene." - This is the epitome of looking for love in all the wrong places. While the bar can be a great place to find new friends who may or may not remember you in the morning, it probably isn't wise to let alcohol be your matchmaker. Sure, many of us know happy couples who met over cocktails, but what are the chances of finding your soul mate on the dance floor? Not very good. The scene is perfect for a shallow one-nighter, but this is when decent people leave their best behavior at home, along with their sincerity. If you're a party animal, try a dart league or other such bar-related activity, where there's a better chance of meeting like-minded people in a calmer, somewhat structured atmosphere.

    "Try the online thing." - They're everywhere. Personals, chat rooms, dating services, and all the rest. Do they work? Who knows. We've all heard success stories, and horror stories, and sometimes, tragedies. It's a wonderful concept, especially for those who have little time to socialize or for that shy little wallflower who can relate to others, with confidence, behind the guise of a clever screen name. However, there is always risk involved, especially for females and for the overly trusting. Deception is a fact of online life for some and, though most of us are aware of this, some still fall prey. There is no surefire way to know with whom you're talking unless they're willing to turn on a webcam. SlimSuzy23 might actually be FatRalph47. If you explore this avenue, keep that old Aerosmith video in mind. You know the one I mean.

    Another risk is that the person you're talking to, the one who sent you a real pic of themselves, who has real life stories, fears, and goals, might not be the sensitive and well-rounded soul you came to know over those late-night online chats. No, it isn't fair to the decent and the honest, but these are the very people the opportunist imitates. Use common sense and meet your new friends in public.

    One of the hottest things going right now is MySpace.com. I admit, I was sucked into the phenomenon, added all my real life friends to my profile, posted a picture of me with my then boyfriend, and listed myself as a person in a relationship who was looking for friends. Yes, I met a few decent people who happened upon my page through common interests but, had I known I was throwing myself head first into the world's biggest online meat market, I would have kept my distance. I attracted every dirtbag this side of the trailer park. I tried posting a notice, making the reason for my presence clear, and received nothing short of a constant onslaught of vulgar requests, offensive offers, and outright obnoxious stupidity in reply. Be forewarned, MySpace is not recommended.

    You're more likely to meet good, honest people who share your interests by immersing yourself in online communities that cater to benign topics, like fandom or hobbies.

    "I know the perfect person for you." - Every "single" is viewed, it seems, as romantically inadequate and in need of help in the eyes of loved ones and friends. The blind date has to be the worst idea in the history of dating. Sure, one in maybe ten were actually well considered and selected with care as a person who would suit you. However, at least in my experience, the blind date is simply another romantically inadequate, single person. For example, my sister and her boyfriend once found the guy for me! I was nervous and skeptical, and was right to be. I decided to wait for him in my garage, I still don't know why, and the second I saw the long, Joe Dirt mullet, my first thought was to slip out the back door and pretend I wasn't home. His clothes looked like they'd been selected from the Rescue Mission by a blind person. I knew at a glance that this was not my Romeo, but I didn't want to be rude. After all, he was "nice." They're always "nice."

    After a bewildering trip to a local diner, Mr. Mullet took me to a biker bar where we played darts. Being more of a nice Italian restaurant and martini sort of person, I was less than impressed. We saw the world's worst movie, which was not his fault, but the date didn't end there. Lover-boy asked me which drugs I favored, I laughed and said NONE, then made it clear, in the most polite of ways, that I was done. He then drove me around to different houses and left me in the old, gasoline scented, pick-up truck while he tried to score some pot. At this point, I demanded to go home. I had spent five hours in no-class hell with a man who I never wanted to see again. He did take me home and asked me to kiss him. I laughed, and then spent about a month screening my calls because he wouldn't go away. Thanks Sis! One thing I can say, yes, he was "nice."

    So why do the people we love do this to us? Because they don't want to see us alone or unhappy. They don't understand that we are content to wait for the right one, that we aren't at all romantically inadequate, or that we aren't so desperate we'll go out with absolutely anyone just because they're "nice." If their judgment seems a bit off to you, politely decline. After all, you can't do much worse on your own.

    That brings us to the question of how to go about it in Syracuse? When a reputable dating service is a last resort, there are ways to put yourself out there, meet friendly people in a normal, relaxed atmosphere, and on your own terms. Here are a few suggestions:

    Church isn't the place for you?  - Volunteer. There are plethoras of services out there that need your help, and my guess is you would feel at home with at least one of them. Hospitals, fire departments, ambulances, and shelters, both human and for our furry companions are a few.

    Bored with the bar? - Places like Borders Books & Music in Carousel Center offer reading groups and the like. Look into activities for single parents. Associations, clubs, and pretty much anything else you can think of can be found with little effort. See what's in your community!

    Not up to speed online? -  List your profile on a reputable, local site. MetroSyracuse.com offers free match-maker profiles, so there's nothing to lose. Don't want to list your info? Spend some time in our chatrooms, start a blog, or read others' profiles. It beats the hell out of a blind date!

The best advice anyone could give you is to get out of the house! Syracuse is an energetic city with a lot to offer, so it's time you took part. After all, you aren't going to meet your soul mate, or anyone else for that matter, from the couch.