Don't know what to describe? Think it's good information to relay a character's outfit from head to toe? Having trouble understanding what is relevent or how much is too much of a good thing? Here are some things NOT to describe and a bit of a how-to.

By: SpookyMulder

Does that fog drifting outside the window really have any relevence? Is it there because it sets a more mystical stage? It better be because Sally says "Too bad the fog's so thick tonight. I wanted to visit go Grandpa. He'd know all about some mysterious thing that has to do with the plot..."

When it comes to description, there are things you must describe, things you shouldn't describe and things that make no difference either way. They say you shouldn't mention anything that has no bearing on the story, but I'm not sure how true that is. I mean, I wouldn't go off on a tangent about something irrelevant, but mentioning things that may enrich your characters or the story is acceptable in my eyes as a reader.

You should give the reader enough to visualize the scene, the characters, the mood, and the time of day. By enough, I mean so they can form thier own imagery. Giving overly-specific, exact details force the reader to abandon thier imagery in favor of yours, which will jolt them out of the story.

Describing a Room

• BAD: Bill stepped through the heavy mahogany door and into a dark, dimly-lit room with a rich shag carpet of deep red. In the center was a thick leather couch with brass nailhead detail and an overstuffed, welcoming seat. The arms were covered with green and brown tapestries featuring dear and trees for protection against wear and tear. Before it was a wooden table with a high polish which held two glasses, a few candles, a bottle of wine, an ashtray, and a set of keys, tossed aside, forgotten. The walls were covered in regal red satin wallpaper on top and that same dark mahogany beneath. The wainscoting was also polished and gave the room an ambient amber glow in the flickering light of the candles, buring on the table, on little wooden stands in each of the four corners, and also in sconces....

• BETTER: Bill stepped through the heavy mahogany door and into the dim flicker of candles. He glanced around at the deep red decor as he made his way across a thick carpet to the leather couch in the center, watching the dark wood soak up the warm amber glow. On a polished coffee table sat two glasses, a bottle of wine and an assortment of candles. His eyes landed on a set of keys, tossed aside, forgotten. Ahead of him a long bank of windows opened onto the night, admitting a gentle breeze.

When it comes to some things like rooms, less is more. Who cares if there's an ashtray on the table? The candles set the mood. The warmth of the room is captured when you mention the deep red decor and the dark wood, soaking up an amber glow. Let the reader envision his own version of the walls, after all, they have no bearing on the story so, if his version is a little different than yours, it doesn't hurt anything. A quick description of the relevant furniture and its placement is plenty. You don't need to say what color the wallpaper or the rug is because you already said "red decor." That gives the reader enough to work with. Let the reader envision a leather couch he saw on TV or the one his buddy Dave has in the living room. The nailhead trim is unimportant unless someone at a later date is going to snag thier dress on one. Why did I add a bank of open windows? Because now the reader knows it's warm out and probably summer, it's night, the temperature of the room is comfortable, and I described the wall ahead of him at the same time. I kept the keys on the table because they imply someone else is there. The wine and candles imply it is a woman with whom he will have a romatic evening. On with the story. If you want the reader to know more about this room, add details throughout the scene a little at a time. The "better" revision is actually far more than I would write when a character enters a room for the first time. Not that what I write is what you should write, but let me share a room description or two from my own writing.

Ch 11: She was led to a leather sofa in an ugly, severe parlor, gloomy with dark colors, heavy winter drapes, terrifying works of art, and horrible gargoyles carved under the mantle. The fire itself did little to warm the place, as the amber glow was lost in darkness.

Ch 16: It was the same parlor they'd been in before and it was still just as uninviting, lacking even an iota of warmth. "I hate this room," she announced.

"Really? I've always thought this room had, well, personality." He came back with two glasses and sat beside her.

"It's cold. And saturated with darkness. Actually, when you consider that horrible fireplace, it's downright disturbing. Your right." She scowled. "It has your personality."

"I choose to ignore the insult so not to ruin the evening, but you're quite correct. This is my personal study."

With this room, the reader will fill in his own gloomy, dark colors. He'll fill in his own ugliness. The works of art will become scenes he would find terrifying. I gave the mantle a little more detail because A) it lets me lead right into a description of how the fire affects the room and B) because I will mention this mantle and this fire in a later chapter when stopping to describe it would be cumbersome.

It was run down. Shadows hid dirt and stains, though the place had been nice once. Maybe even upscale, but the club had seen its heyday come and go. The decor hadn't changed much since the thirties or forties, though it still held a certain charm that Sara liked and felt inspired by as she made her way through the curtain at the back of the scuffed, black laquer stage. Old electric candles clung to the faded red wallpaper, peeling in places and patched in others. The room was comfortable, relaxed, and welcoming. It was all about the music. Nothing here was pretentious, stuffy or formal. The best-dressed people in the room were a step above casual but Sara knew this wouldn't bother Draco. He was accustomed to outshining his surroundings.

I rarely put my best effort into fan fiction, but the point was to show how little you can say about a room while still understanding the basics of what it looks like.

Describing Clothing

Don't go into detail about what your characters are wearing. Who cares? You cant chalk everything up to characterization and jolting the reader out of the story because they're too busy trying to picture exactly what you're forcing upon them is not what you want to do. Description can be a bad thing when used in excess and you can ruin your story with it if you're not careful. If you're going to mention Amy's new pink sweater, it should be because it's cold outside and you want to show this fact to the reader by having the character dress for a chilly day. It shouldn't be because you want the reader to be able to picture what she has on when her clothes have nothing to do with anything. The characters aren't barbie dolls. Don't dress them unless there's a reason for it.

In Harry Potter, Rowling describes Harry's clothes because she wants to show the reader how neglected Harry is and this neglect has bearing on the story. (One might give a brief description of a wedding or ball gown or some other out of the ordinary ensemble.) Maybe this description occurs as one character admires another. Gretchen awoke early and put on a red button-down shirt of crisp cotton with her favorite pair of jeans and hurried out to the car... BLECH. You'd best have a psycho lurking around later that day, killing people in red button-down shirts.

Showing Time of Day

This isn't difficult. It's one of the easier tricks, actually. There are several ways you can do it without telling the reader outright. The easiest vehicle is dialogue. You can have a character come into another character's room and say "Sally! Get out of bed! I have the best news!" Or maybe, "Sally! What are you doing in bed? It's one o'clock and you've missed lunch! Mum thinks you're sick!" To show morning, you can have silver half-light filter in through the windows as Sally groans and throws back the covers. You can show Sally putting on coffee and sitting down to breakfast food. You can have Sally's alarm go off, then she sits bolt upright, races around, and runs out of the house, late. To show night, you can, as I did above, describe a window, open to the night... You can have bats or owls fly past. Sally can watch moonlight reflect in the pond. Sally can pace the floor, tired and unable to sleep.

One good tool you have are meals. Mentioning which meal is approaching or has past will give the reader general time of day. So will sunlight/moonlight. Routine actions, like going to/getting out of work/school. The wearing of pajamas. Time of year is just as easy. Footprints in the snow, icicles and frost in windows, mud tracked on the carpet, day after day of rain and gloom. Heavy coats hanging in the hall, people lounging in the pool. Holidays also help signify time of year.

Showing Moods

Your character will and should exhibit moods to an extent determined by thier personality. In my stories, Draco smirks when he has the upperhand. When he's nervous, he clasps his hands in front and gives nothing away. Another character might pace the floor or shred papers or wring his hands. Eyes and facial expression are invaluable. So is body language. Sighs, laughter, and tears relate how your character feels as well. With these tools, you can show the reader how the character feels, regardless of what he says.

Showing Love

Love between characters should be evident to the reader without you ever writing a single I love you. Their actions should speak loud and clear. Here's an example:

Draco held her eyes and raised a hand to wipe the tears from her face. With hesitation, he kissed her cheek. "I got you into this, Sara. I'm sorry."

Something enormous and heavy with sadness curled in his chest. He knew she was trying not to cry and his voice was little more than a whisper. "Goodnight, Sara."
It was a long moment before she responded. There were so many things that she wanted to say, this he knew but, in the end, she didn't say them. He felt her eyes on his back and knew they had run with tears. She left in silence, taking a piece of his misery with her.

The second entry shows discontent between two people who love each other. The first displays affection as a means of showing love. The level of affection displayed is a sure indicator of love. If you have an unaffectionate character, his heart might race every time he sees his love interest. Maybe he sees flowers in a shop window and thinks of buying them and then doesn't. He certainly acts funny whenever she's near and then berates himself later, imagining what he should have said. This is almost entirely done through description. There are too many ways to convey it, I could never list them all here, and so you should have few problems with it, once you know what it is you should be doing.

Tips

• Be careful not to overload the description with adjectives.
• Using really or very to hype an adjective is amaturish.

Description will tire a reader out in record time. Distract them into giving up because your story hurts thier brain. Pepper it through your scenes. Use it often and in small doses. Write with relevence and with style.